Complicated

There are no other words to describe my life right now.  Everything seemed to be going pretty well a couple of weeks ago.  I was becoming friends with Julie, my German friend Michaela had just moved into my apartment complex, and sailing/beach season was rapidly approaching.  And then I got a phone call and everything changed.  A little more than a week ago my sister called and told me that she has bone cancer.  She had just found out about it herself, so of course, no details were known.  After being knocked face first into the ground by that news, I spent the rest of last week trying to pick myself up, dust myself off, and as Chris likes to say, "Get back on the horse."  Right - that could have gone better.  I did okay, I suppose.  I had three pretty rough days, three pretty damn good days, all things considered, and a lot of going half mad days.  Overall though I've done pretty well, and since I'm here to write this blog, I seem to have survived.  We're all trying our best to be in good spirits, and from what little we do know, the situation is looking as good as possible!  We should get more details this week, and I really just want the waiting part to be over with, but that will eventually happen.  Until then, I'm just trying to survive.

All of this happened in the middle of the semester, which means midterms.  Yeah, now does that not suck or what?  I have an education midterm tonight, but I'm not too worried about it.  I have straight A's in all of my courses so far so I can afford a couple of weird days - although I'd prefer that I don't have any of those.  It just sucks because this has been a really tough semester with legal writing (the class from hell), lit and the occult, and two senior level exit courses.  I've managed though to work my ass off, stay ahead in all of my classes, and just when we get to the impossible part of the semester, it got worse.  Mostly I just have all of these stupid 6-20 page papers to write by the end of spring break.  Break is in a couple of weeks, and I cannot wait!  Okay so moving on.

Chris and I took Julie out to Moon Under Water, a pub type place in St. Pete, last weekend and we had an awesome time.  I have pictures, which I'll post later, and then you can laugh at us all.  Julie and I have since done other things like go see the Body Worlds exhibit at the MOSI last week, and Chris and I took her to International Plaza one night last week to show her an "American mall."  We had fun, and I hope that she enjoyed it.  Julie spent this weekend in San Antonio visiting some family that she has here, and they apparently surprised her with a new camera and clothes!  She was supposed to get back last night, but thanks to all of the winter weather, she wasn't able to get a flight back to Tampa.  She might have to stay in Texas until Wednesday, but she isn't sure yet.  At least she's having a really good time.  I have missed hanging out with her though.

Everything is beginning to calm down around here and get back to "normal" although that term now has a slightly different meaning, and the semester is keeping me too busy to worry about anything else too much.  Chris and I went to Clearwater Beach Saturday and because the wind was 12 knots, we got absolutely blasted and buried by the sand.  I had to wash my hair twice to get all the sand out of it, and it's now Monday and I still have sand in my ears.  I determined, while being buried alive, eating sand, and trying to dig my flip flops out of it, that I really don't like the beach...at all.  I love Florida, and I absolutely worship the ocean, but the beach with all of its sand, obnoxious people (mostly parents and college students on break), and crabs, I've decided is for someone else.  As for me, I'll take that sailboat on the horizon that makes the sunset perfect for the sand covered beach bums back on shore.  That's one of my favorite places in the world - on a quiet sailboat with salt air, good company, and the beach as a small blur on the horizon.  When I was little I used to sit on the beach and watch the sailboats, wondering what I must look like to them.  Fifteen years later when I learned how to sail, the first thing that I did after we got the sails up and were underway was turn around and look back at the shore.  I had finally made it out there, and I pitied all of the children I saw on the beach and I wondered if they wanted to know what is was like to be me.  If they did wonder what it was like, then I hope that they find out someday.

Okay, well this post is already way too long.  Sorry about that, but I had a lot to say.  My life has been turned upside down for the past couple of weeks, but it's beginning to get back to where it used to be.  Just a thought for anyone who may know someone in this God forsaken position - don't offer advice unless it is asked for, just be there.  The most comforting thing in a time like this, at least for me, is to just not be alone.  You don't have to solve their problems, just let them know that you're as helpless as they are.  Believe it or not, that sharing of powerlessness is perhaps the best thing you can do.  I know that it sucks, but it is greatly appreciated.  Thanks to my two best friends, Rachel and Sara, for all of their helplessness and for their laughter.  Alright, I have to go study for that damn midterm so I better be off now.  Take care and try to have a good day.  People always say that no matter how bad it is, it can be made worse.  Well I prefer to think of it as this, no matter how bad it is, it has the potential to get better.  So if you're having a bad day, remember that you can still try to make it a good one.  It is far better to risk being happy than it is to know, with certainty, that you are miserable.  Again, I hope you have a good day.  I did.